Wednesday, 5 December 2007Y
I don't know if it has become a routine to make me feel confused again. I'm struggling deep within, even as I'm not willing to. It's really so difficult to feel this way. I don't want, I don't want and I don't like. I don't like it when my mind is pre-occupied by something like this. It's... not worth it? As in, there're more important things to care about. For now at least. And I don't think it's really fair for me if I'm the only one worrying and you're not. I don't know whether you care or not, but it seems like the latter. I'm sorry if I've made you sick and tired, but I'm also sick and tired of being sick and tired. I really hope this is just a phase. No, I know it won't be just ONE phase and then it won't come back again. I know it'll be a recurring one. But ya, just not on the long-term and that's enough. Sometimes I'm suffocating and yet no one's around to help me. Not that no one's willing, just that I'm not trusting enough to trust anyone. The only One I tell- God. I know of one person I can trust- Sijia. But she's not always available all the time, and I haven't met her since... really long ago? Plus she's not a Christian so she won't see things from God's perspectives. See how lonely I actually am?
):
NOW you make me confused again.
Ugh.
Slept till 12 today! Wahaha. =P Felt very satisfied. LOL. Now cannot sleep. Geez.
Okay so! I started on my written assignment- 2 sentences of Introduction. -.-"" HAHAHA. Well, at least I started right. I thought of a really different way to start of this essay, but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS. Ssssiths. Brilliant plan gone. zzzzzzz. Shall continue tomorrow, with a brand new mind (hopefully) and brand new ideas. Bad plan to do this assignment so last minute, 'cos I've alrdy forgotten what the case scenario's about. Rarh.
I feel so unproductive. I've lost that... that... I don't know. Motivation/ perseverance to do things. ANYthing. And that makes me feel like... I've failed.? -sighs.
Haven't been practicing piano la. Getting boredx10 of classical. What could motivate me last time was seeing a great pianist play. But now... not even that can make me practice. T.T Like I've lost all hopes and just couldn't care less to do anything about it.
Alright. Enough of negative thinking.
Oh! Attachments!!! :D Can't wait for it. Though it'll be another brand new experience, totally different things to practice- not forgetting the basics. I'll still feel scared and nervous that I'd do something wrong, but still, the experience is totally worth while (: Medical wards would have much more... 'case scenarios' than surgical wards. Plus all the different kinds of wounds all that- YUCK.
SGH again! And I MIGHT might be posted to Andrea's ward. 'Cos a senior went to the same ward as me for her first clinical posting, and her second one was Andrea's. Lol. Has it's pros and cons la right. ^^
Anyway, I've alrdy given my reply to the teacher in charge of the camp, I'm NOT going. )': When I called and told the teacher that, within me I was 'I want to go! I want to go!' Saddddd.
Omg I've got like crocodile legs. LOL. Must be due to the strong winds these few days, making the skin dry.
Aight, sleep! I don't want to sleep in classes anymore =/
YYY
testified! :D